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You moved a friend in, so be good

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend is brilliant and more intellectual than me. Like many others, I’ve always been a great jock. During lockdown I asked her to move in with me. I took the opportunity to give her a crash course in the sports I’m most interested in – hockey, football and baseball.

In the beginning it was great! I got to be the one who taught her exceptionally and I got to rewatch some classic seasons with her. But now she’s even more into sports than me. She likes statistics and history and even corrects me on facts in front of my sports friends. And now she says she comes to baseball games with us!

I lost that little oasis of “me time” with my gang.

I know that a sporty woman should be every man’s dream. Instead, it feels like I’ve been surpassed and lost the one area where I was the expert and they weren’t.

I still need self-esteem, self-confidence and personal space. It feels like I’ve lost all these things because she faked me in what used to be my realm.

— Deflated, Meadows West

Dear deflated: So much for over-sharing – a temptation when you’re excited about something. Now you know the limits of what you want to share with your partner, but you really can’t resist sharing those first sports as it would be hurtful.

What you can do is add new interests that you don’t share with your lady. New adventures this summer could include some of these – sailing, windsurfing, waterskiing, fishing, ultragliding and skydiving. And if you need to keep things indoors how about darts, billiards, bowling or even board games.

You’ll be tempted to gush about a new interest you’re taking up with the boys. stop yourself Just enjoy being with your old buddies sometimes and your lady sometimes. Don’t make a big deal out of discussing boundaries unless you have to. This discussion could explode in a very hurtful way.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I recently met a man and I’m torn. On paper he’s everything I want. He’s smart, caring, kind, and funny, but he has one fatal flaw. I don’t know if I can overlook that.

This man is a professional working in senior management, but he hasn’t told me how he spends his free time when he’s not traveling with me.

Then I finally went back to his house and it all made sense. All of the art on his wall is taken from Japanese cartoons. He has hats that look like anime animal heads and he’s not at all ashamed of them. He’s way too into anime!

Miss L., he’s a grown man! I know anime is cool with kids these days, but we’re both in our 40’s and that was never cool for our generation. Growing up, we relentlessly poked fun at the nerds who were into this stuff.

I don’t know how to bring myself to accept it. What to do?

— Strange Hiccup with New Man, River Heights

Dear Hiccup: You saw the red light here. Don’t try to ignore it. If you had three guys to consider, he definitely wouldn’t make it, right?

Finding the right man – not just any man who has a good job and a pleasant personality – should be your romantic quest. Settling for the wrong man at any age is far worse than being free and single – and possibly lonely at times.

When the pandemic is over, everyone will get more social again and you won’t be so worried about finding someone to love. This new guy might be a guy you could be friends with, but he’s not quite your match.

Please send your questions and comments to [email protected] or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonely Hearts

Miss Lonely Hearts
Council columnist

Every year the free press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her answers to life and relationship questions she encounters.

Maureen Scurfield

Maureen Scurfield
Council columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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